Why do you have to be in my head? Why can’t I forget you all together? Why do I have to remember you?
Can’t someone just wipe my memory clean so I can leave you alone and stop tormenting myself.
I can’t describe the feeling I feel when I think of you. It’s not a feeling I’ve felt before. It hurts so much but at the same time fills my heart.
Why are my emotions so much deeper when it comes to you? Why does it feel like you are a part of me that has been ripped off? A gauging hole in my chest. An emptiness I have yet to fill.
Will I ever fill the emptiness or will it forever be kept a memory of what once was and will never be again?
I do not know what came over me tonight. Maybe it was the 105 degree high today or an unexpected energy burst, but I decided to get up and move. Something I work very hard to avoid.
I put it in my stubborn head that I am going to walk tonight. It didn’t matter that it was still above 90 degrees outside despite the sun having already set. It didn’t matter that I have to work a night shift tonight and probably should be napping right now. Nope, I got it in my head that I am going walking and that’s exactly what I did!
I even gave myself a goal. I decided on a 10 minute minimum walk and a maximum of…yeah right…I was back inside my house stretching like a pro at the 10 min mark exactly.
It was a process to get ready to go walking though.
First I had to shave my legs. It’s too hot to wear any more clothes than absolutely necessary but my legs were not ready to be on display. So I shaved my legs.
Then I had to pick the perfect playlist. Took me a few more minutes than it should have considering I only walked for 2.5 songs. But I can check perfect playlist off my procrastination list.
Finally I had to take a pre workout selfie. Because we all know that in 10 minutes I am going to be back home with washboard abs and a perfectly tight butt. Gotta have it recorded!
And at 8:40 pm at a temperature of 93 degrees, I turned the music on full blast and was on my way.
I do not know exactly what was going through my head, but I am pretty sure I thought if I walked faster, it would be over sooner. So I pushed my overweight, out of shape body to the limit! I clocked in at .75 miles in 10 minutes. I don’t know how fast that is per hour, but that is damn fast for a sloth. Walking briskly I should have burned 53 calories, but at my pace, sloth jogging, I burned 127 calories.
I am the best sloth jogger there is!
It has been a week since I got my scale. The one that had shown that I had gained 15 lbs on this diet and lost 2 of those lbs. I have come to terms with the new starting weight and took the 2 lbs as a win.
Now that I have a scale though, I am on it 3x a day. First thing in the morning, after my first successful bathroom trip, and before I go to bed. I am obsessed with seeing the daily fluctuations in my weight. I can’t get enough of seeing how much my weight goes up and down during the day.
My weekly weigh in is different.
This is a serious weigh in.
A few factors must come into play before I am willing to accept the weight of a weekly weigh in.
I must weigh myself within an hour of waking up.
I must have had a successful bathroom trip already whilst not eating any food yet. Thank you coffee!
I must strip down to almost nothing (don’t want any extra weight from clothes).
I must double-check my weight about 20 minutes to an hour after the original weigh in (still before breakfast).
There is no room for playing around when it comes to manipulating the scales in your favor!
And boy has the manipulation paid off this week!
The moment you have all been waiting for!!!
I am 3.5 lbs down from last week!!!!
Allowing for a total loss of 5.5 lbs!!!!
I can’t wait to play the game again next week.
I have heard this question almost everyday for the past few weeks.
My kids are not pleased that they have not had pizza or pasta in over two weeks. They are not happy about the unidentifiable food that is being put on their plates everyday.
They are missing the chips and candy. They just want pasta and ketchup. Is that too much to ask for?
My five year old was very pleased to see quinoa on his plate this weekend as it slightly resembles the carbs he’s missing. He lathered it in ketchup and accepted the compromise.
Grilled chicken for dinner is a treat for them. Better than my attempts at veggie mac and cheese. But they are being good sports about mommy starting to eat healthy. They are eating fruits and veggies and trying new foods, some of which they like.
Their biggest concern is if I will still be so snuggly if I’m not fat.
I am raising a seven-year old teenager!
He thinks he’s a fully grown man. He wakes up in the morning angry…every morning! He argues about everything and anything. He talks back, complains constantly, he spits, and reminds me of my terrible parenting on a regular basis. He lets me know of every small thing I have done and exactly how is unfair and not right. He refuses to pick up after himself and to get him to do chores is more of a chore for me than for him.
He is angry!
Angry at a world that is not just. A world that has seemingly already wronged him in his short seven years here. A world with so much hate and anger that it can all but rub off on the young. How can he see the world through a child’s eyes when he sees war and hatred? When he sees discrimination everyday and has experienced far more evil than a child should? How can he be blind to the world that we live in? How can I lie to him that this world is a good place when the world shows him otherwise?
My seven-year old is wise beyond his years. He does not buy into the lollipops and rainbows world other kids do. He is aware of the injustice and is angered by it. He does not believe that the world has to be this way. War and hatred is not his game. But alas he is only seven years old and the anger that he has at this world must come out.
I am his canvas to express the injustice. Chores and rules is the war he is waging today. But mark my words, in a few short years he will be waging a bigger war and not against me. He will make a change! He will be heard!
So take out your anger on me my prince. Show me how you will not stand for injustice and hate. Let me know how unfair clearing you plate from the table is. Express yourself. Practice now so you will be great one day! Show me how you will change the world.
I started my weight loss journey without having weighed myself in quite a few months. Quite blissful in my ignorance regarding my weight. I grabbed a number I thought could possibly be right out of the air and that was my starting weight. I happily ate my fruits and veggies and counted my calories for over a week, not worrying about my weight.
But then it happened…
After a week of dieting I wanted to see the progress! I wanted to see the numbers on the scale drop below the number I had made up last week. I wanted to brag to all my family and friends that its only been a week and I’ve already lost weight.
And then I made the biggest mistake of my life…
I BOUGHT A SCALE.
I got on the scale immediately after arriving home and taking it out of the box. I didn’t even take my shoes off before weighing myself. I was shocked by what happened next…
I HAD GAINED 15 LBS ON THIS DIET!!!!!!
Either that or I was way off with my random out of the air guess of my weight a week and a half earlier… And that was just impossible! It had to be that this diet has cursed me!
If you ask me, better to have never weighed than to have weighed more than expected!
Lucky for my scale and my diet, I woke up the next morning and my weight was two lbs less than my middle of the day, in 90 degree weather, bloated weight was.
This diet is working!
Independence day is almost here and you can feel the excitement in the air! Flags are out, flying from the cars, houses, buildings, and even bicycles. The parties will be starting soon and the everyone is getting ready. The streets are filled with children singing and dancing. The weather couldn’t be better for a fireworks celebration!
Through all that joy and preparation is a sadness that cannot be ignored. For it is not yet independence day. It is still memorial day. Until the sun goes down today, we are still mourning our soldiers that have fallen in combat. Our children, many of which were just 18 years of age, who gave their lives to fight for our land. Ceremonies were held throughout the country last night and today. A nation paying respect to those that gave everything to allow them the freedom they take for granted.
The paradox of memorial day going straight into independence day has always bothered me. How can one go from being so sad to so happy with just the setting of the sun? How is it possible to raise yourself from the mourning to the joy in a moment?
The only conclusion I have been able to come up with is this. In order to truly appreciate the independence we are so fortunate to have, we must first embrace the sacrifice that was made to allow us that independence. For if we do not mourn those who gave their lives for this land, how can we truly appreciate what we have?
Happy independence day!