When I met you I wasnt looking for love. You seemed normal and I thought it would be nice to have a friend in the neighborhood. It was nothing more than that. You were very clear and I understood.
You were a good friend. Maybe too good of a friend.
I think I started to love you only once I started to get depressed. I think you were such a good friend that I turned you into my life support. I needed it. But sometimes the life support sinks with you and thats what happened. I fell in love with you and you with me.
I needed you! I needed someone in my life that thought I was amazing. I needed to be loved and cared for. I needed someone to rescue me. But as you were rescuing me, you were drowning yourself. You were not able to give me what I needed and yet you took from yourself to give to me.
As the depression grew so did my need for that life support. And as weeks turned into months, you were not able to give it to me anymore. And I dont blame you for that. You needed to protect yourself. You needed to take care of you.
Your needs and mine are not in line. We can only hurt each other now. I hurt you with my need for a life support and you hurt me with your need to stop giving and take care of yourself.
I still love you.
That makes it all the more difficult. I really do love you. But because I love you and I dont see how I can not hurt you at this point we need to stop. We need to take a break. We need to give ourselves time for ourselves.
Maybe one day when I am more stable in all aspects of my life and you are too we can be together. But today is not that day.